Sometimes recently everything gets a little dark, I manage to get myself a little trapped and stuck in this pit. Whenever I catch myself in this state I always try and claw my way out not wanting to be surrounded by darkness or infringe my mood on to others, sometimes this is much easier said then done. Recently everything has been a little crappy but that's not actually completely true because as I've spoken about many a times, I have an awesome man by my side. He is super supportive but sometimes that's almost worse because then I just get stuck feeling like I don't deserve him, which I definitely do not. Right now I'm stuck, I'm feeling awfully sorry for myself, I'm down and I'm fed up with it all. I'm struggling to claw my way out, I literally want to cry and go to bed with a film. There is no real reason that I should feel this way, I know it's ridiculous. I'm exhausted, I'm in pain and I'm very tired of fighting.
Monday, 27 June 2016
Tuesday, 17 November 2015
Gabapentin
I have been from drug to drug since I was first diagnosed with arthritis. I either had bad side effects or it literally did nothing. In August I had completely given up, I could hardly walk I had to use crutches a lot, I had basically given up. I was so fed up, I went back to the hospital with very little hope that they could do anything especially as I knew there was little left to try at the age of 22. One of the people that has been there for the entire of my arthritis journey suggested gabapentin. I didn't hold much hope knowing everything else hadn't worked, I was so willing to try anything at that point though! The initial side effects were pretty nasty, I was very dizzy often, light headed and sick but it was worth every second of hell for the result I got. I've been running up the stairs for the first time in six years, I walked up a massive steep hill that had beaten me many times. I'm nearly a normal 22 year old which is just crazy, I never thought it would happen. I went through so real shit to get where I am now, it wasn't easy but I've come out the other end and now I can say this is the best I've been in six years.